What is Insecurity?
Ever had that knot in your stomach, overwhelmed, anxious, sweating, unsure feeling? If so, you my friend have experienced being insecure. Insecurity can be a fleeting feeling, one that just comes around every now and then or it can be something that has become ingrained, deeply entrenched in you, and wreaking havoc on your life, your self-esteem, and your goals.
If you fit in the latter description then this post is for you and the next few weeks are for you because we’re not only going to be answering questions like, “What is insecurity?” but why do you feel insecure, and what can you do about it.
Before we jump in let me briefly introduce who I am, I’m Tiffany, a black therapist in Chicago and coach working with women on their self-esteem. The people that I usually work with and people who struggle with self-esteem in general report having this feeling of insecurity, of being less than, inferiority, or of being unsure in some way. And because of that insecure feeling they look for validation from everyone and everything outside of them including their accomplishments, how much people like them, how their clothes look, etc. And if you guessed, these things may provide some temporary relief but do not lead to lasting change and a feeling of security and worth.
Alrighty then, let's jump in. So what is insecurity?
I touched on a few things above but insecurity is a feeling of being unsure of yourself. It can be with regard to something specific or that can be with regards to who you are as a person. A few signs of insecurity with regard to the latter are:
Feelings of not being good enough
Feeling bad as a person
Seeking validation and approval from others or external sources
Not having a solid foundation for who you are including your interests, likes, dislikes, values
Taking on the opinions of others and agreeing even if you have a different opinion
Depressed or low mood
Uncertainty about reaching your goals
Feeling unworthy to pursue certain goals(some things may not even be on your radar due to feeling like they are out of reach)
Needing frequent reassurance in your romantic relationship and/ or friendships
Negative internal dialogue including putting yourself down, inability to forgive yourself for previous mistakes
Having unrealistically high expectations for yourself and others
Being self-critical (usually this leads to being highly critical of others as well)
Feelings of jealousy and envy especially with regard to the accomplishments of others
Issues taking compliments and positive feedback
Fearing rejection or abandonment
Difficulty showing others the real you or expressing your true thoughts and opinions
Insecurity can show up in some big ways but can also show up in smaller, more covert ways. Feeling insecure is a feeling we all experience from time to time, and first answering the question of what is insecurity helps us become aware of it and then make changes to improve it.
If you’re someone who struggles with insecurity, follow along for the next few weeks as we talk about how insecurity came about and what steps you can do to feel less insecure.
As I mentioned above I am a black therapist in Chicago and coach. If you want to see how I can support you with your feelings of insecurity and not being good enough, reach out to book a complimentary consultation.
See you in the next post.