How to Stop Caring What People Think Series: Part 1: Understanding

We all care what people think to an extent. We may be overly concerned about what people think of us, if they like us, if they approve of our choices and decisions and the list can go on. When I looked up this question myself, over four thousand people asked the same thing, “How to stop caring what people think?’. 

Let's jump right in. My first question to you is, What has caused you to ask this question in the first place? What impact are you noticing that caring that others think has caused on you? If you care way too much about what people think, you’re not alone, and today I want to give you a simple first step to stop caring so you can have the peace and confidence that you want. For the rest of this month, we’ll be diving deeper into new steps you can take to stop caring what people think.

I want to tell you a story about a fictional person named Molly. Molly goes around trying to please everyone she comes in contact with, her friends, family, co-workers, and even the clerk at the store. She wants everyone she comes in contact with to have a pleasant experience with her and to like her. Because of this, she is agreeable and kind. She never really tells people how she feels and is quick to rethink her actions and take the blame when someone criticizes her. She steps up and is there for everyone else, saying yes when she really wants to say no, and when someone hurts her she gives them the benefit of the doubt and keeps quiet. She is unhappy but doesn’t know why, dissatisfied with her relationships and the voice in her head. 

She notices that she never really feels like she is known or seen, that people know her on the surface but don’t really know the real/true her. She feels like she is taken advantage of, her needs don’t get met, and even though she puts on a smile for everyone, deep down she is resentful and angry. When it's her turn people aren’t there for her like she is for them, she notices other people tell her no and tell them how they feel but if she were to try to voice her own needs it's shut down. She feels like this isn’t fair and that things are off in her world. 

If you ask her why she does it all, the real thing that she keeps to herself, it’s because she fears abandonment. She fears that if she were to show the real her, say no, and tell people how she really feels, she will lose them. And she will end up alone. And in the end, their leaving will prove that she is not good enough. Because had she been they wouldn’t have left and what she did for them would have been enough. 

Deep? Yeah, I know. But it's true. And I want you to think about your real reason. The reason that you keep to yourself of why you care what people think. What may seem so simple on the surface and what feels should have a simple answer is really kind of complicated. Because we are all different and motivated by different things. 

So ask yourself these questions: What does someone’s approval get you? If they liked you, what mental, emotional, and heck physical benefits would you gain? If you had it your way and everyone liked you, what would that mean to you? Thinking through these questions will help you find your true answer.

I have worked with Mollys before and what’s at stake is your voice, your true self, your peace, you’re life. When you care too much(a little is ok), because of course, we’re all human, about what people think, then you give away so much of your own power without realizing it. 

Follow on to the next post as we get deeper into how to stop caring what people think. 

If you’re tired of caring what people think, click to book a complimentary consultation. I provide self-esteem coaching and confidence counseling in Chicago and online.